Q: (Funeral Consumers Alliance): Who should read your book?
A: (Margie Jenkins): This book is for anyone who thinks they will die someday -- or knows
someone who will. One reader wrote to me, "Our death is the most
significant event that happens to us and this book is the only one I found
that helps me understand what's involved..." The popular TV show "Six Feet Under" about a family of
undertakers, and the best-selling book, "The Lovely Bones," help give people
new ways to look at death, stepping on taboos that dominate this topic.
I hope You Only Die Once will encourage people to lighten up about
this subject, but take it seriously -- talk about it and create a good
ending. Q: What suggestions do you have for people about planning for their own
deaths?
A: Most people don't know how to begin planning for life's ending. In
the book, I list many things to consider. Gather a bunch of folders
for subjects you want to include in a "Master File System." Then name
the Files to make them more personal. Names I have heard are: Final
Curtain; Last Word; Last Expedition; Dead End. My Dad called his plan,
"My Going Away Party." Collect pertinent information about the topics in your Master
File from newspapers, magazines, funerals you attend, even cartoons, jokes
and comic strips. One of the most important files to include is the
"Instant Action Folder," which provides helpful information needed
immediately after your death: Names and phone numbers of family members,
doctor, church pastor, funeral home to call, burial choice; location of bank
accounts, insurance policies, and will.
Q: What should people do with their Master File?
A: Tell family about this file, where it is located, what's in it, encourage
conversations about it. Unfortunately, people spend more time learning
how to program a VCR than they do planning for the inevitable.
Q: Does this sharing change the death experience for families?
A: Many still treat death like a secret. But the widow of a devoted
Miami Dolphin football fan threw a huge celebration party when her husband
died after a long bout with lung cancer. She asked the funeral home to
recreate a stadium setting and had her husband's favorite putter, pool cue,
and family photos surrounding his coffin. If you can explore life's last adventure, make end-of-life
decisions before the event, and tell family about your wishes, death causes
less trauma, emotional chaos, and reduces sticker shock for survivors.
Q: Do most people know what their family
members would want?
A: Most folks don't ask simple questions about funeral home selection or
burial choices. An elderly grandfather was asked how he wanted to be
buried. Cremated? "NO, where I'm going will be hot enough."
Buried? No, I don't want dirt thrown on me." Donate your body to
science? "What's that about?" After hearing that medical schools need
bodies for research, grandfather thought for minute. "I've decided to
donate my body to science. My parents always wanted me to go to
medical school." Q: Is there some value in planning beyond just getting
the decisions made in advance?
A: Those who begin end-of-life planning tell how satisfying it is -
reviewing their life, belongings, accomplishments, and getting organized.
My father, who lived to be 100, decided to move into a nursing home at age
95. While he waited for a room to become available, we spent time
together doing what I call the "good-bying process." A recorder taped
our conversation while I asked about the belongings in his home of 65 years,
where items came from, the story behind them, and who should receive them.
We walked through the house, the basement, attic, and his garden. He
explained what made things important to him. Carmel Manor Nursing Home called to say a room was
ready. We packed a small suitcase and we drove down the driveway.
Dad took one last look. "Goodbye house. Goodbye garden.
Goodbye birds and bunnies. I'll miss you. This has been a good
place to raise a family. I hope you have a good life here, too."
Then we drove away, both of us sobbing as he left his old Kentucky home. Dad told me those weeks saying goodbye to his home and
possessions were some of his happiest memories. Q: What else can
readers get from You Only Die Once?
A: Another goal of the book is to encourage everyone to live life to
the fullest. Be open to adventure. Find something each day to
appreciate. People have a tendency to put off pleasure until they do
all those "shoulds" - but think of those on the Titanic who passed up the
dessert tray. Prepare for the end of life with grace and gusto. Just
don't let the door slam on your way out! |
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